DuckTales is back. WOOHOO!
Unless you’ve been living under a Webbigail Vanderquack-sized rock for the past few days, you know that Disney is bringing back DuckTalesfrom the ’90s Cartoon Graveyard, where Huey, Dewey, and Louie were laid to rest between Daria and Big Slammu from Street Sharks.
The series, which is slated for Disney XD’s 2017 block, will continue to follow the heirs to the McDuck fortune and their grumpy granduncle as they travel the world looking for adventure and giant pools of money to dive into.
Disney, we know you’re looking for a way to make DuckTales more modern. You realize that kids in 2015 are different than those from the early ’90s. A tomagachi reference isn’t worth its weight in bent Pokémon cards with kids nowadays. We also know you are totally reading this post, so we decided to make your jobs a little easier.
Here’s a list of modern plots you should consider when you relaunch.
1. Huey campaigns for Hillary Clinton, Dewey goes for Jeb Bush and Louie ruins everything by saying he’s voting Green.
2. Scrooge McDuck exchanges all his money for Bitcoin.
3. Scrooge’s money pile is moved to an offshore bank for tax reasons.
4. Huey and Louie start a social media site, funded by Scrooge. They Eduardo Dewey and don’t let him take part so he makes Ello.
5. Scrooge has to deal with other Occupy bird protesting outside his building. Huey, Dewey and Louie decide to join the protest because he cuts off their allowance.
6. Huey, Dewey and Louie spend a half-hour explaining Skype to Scrooge.
7. Scrooge and Huey start using Tinder.
8. Huey, Dewey and Louie have a chance meeting with Shia LaBeouf, then try to help rehabilitate his career. Scrooge McDuck accidentally signs up for Grindr (he thought it was an app for coffee).
9. Huey and Dewey start a Scrooge McDuck twitter parody account. Louie gets super into craft beers.
10. Huey, Dewey and Louie convince Scrooge McDuck to invest in Yik Yak.
11. Huey and Dewey do the Ice Bucket Challenge while Scrooge McDuck and Louie help Sam Smith with a problem.
12. Scrooge McDuck gets in trouble for screenshotting a Snapchat.
13. Louie and Huey start their own vegan pudding shop. Scrooge McDuck and Dewey fight over the Keystone pipeline.
14. Huey, Dewey and Louie take an improv class.
15. Scrooge McDuck starts Twitter fight with Kanye West right before Huey, Dewey and Louie attend Bonnaroo.