My homegirl called me crying because she got dumped. I mean…it happens right? But she got dumped for a Bimbo! Her ex man is rocking this girl on his arm like she’s Michelle Obama. The insanity of it all is that it’s no secret that the Bimbo’s vaginal car fax is much to be desired. Anyway, that didn’t stop him for posting lip locking selfies on his Instagram page of this “new love.” Oh…I guess this isn’t the time to tell you that he gave the girl a promise ring which was also posted on Instagram. Call me insensitive but while my homegirl was crying, all I could think to myself was, “Man, Hoes be winning!” What are these hoes doing that the rest of you females are not? I grabbed the Hoe-clopedia and did a little research and I think my findings might surprise and help you.
I wanted insight from all angles of why these hoes are winning and why perfectly sweet women like my homegirl were losing. What did this girl have on her anyway? Unfortunately, I discovered that she had a lot on her which included winning personality traits. Yes…I know what you are thinking. Hoes with character? ABSOLUTELY! These hoes have character like you’ve never seen.


I thought to myself, what if all women could adopt some of these personality traits? Then, I guess hoes wouldn’t be winning and you wouldn’t be getting dumped for them. Anyway, I know you want to know what these hoes are doing because it really has nothing to do with sex so kick up your feet and take notes.

1. Hoes Don’t Play Games – yes you know that game you keep playing with your man? The one where he calls and you don’t pick up? Yes that game. Then you clean up your apartment, go grocery shopping, get the car washed, talk on the phone to your home girl for an hour, comb instagram, then you call him back 5 hours later? Well…my darling the hoe aint playing that game with him. She, unlike you, doesn’t play games.

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2. Hoes Stroke Egos – I know his belly is a little round and he probably didn’t need a burger for lunch but why did you mention that to him? Why would you say, “yuck babe you know you don’t need that burger with that extra cheese.” (inserts frown face) He knows he doesn’t need the burger with extra cheese but at his hoes house he can eat whatever he wants. She’s not frowning up her face. In fact, she is driving him straight to Five Guys where he gets a double patty. After he washes that down she tells him how big, strong, and handsome he is. Why? Hoes stroke egos. While you’re complaining she’s telling him how smart he is.

3. Hoes Are Fun – tons and tons of fun! I’m not just talking about sexually either. Hoes just aren’t uptight. A better word for this is being a prude.They know how to relax and enjoy life. They crack jokes and laugh at them too. If he wants to go to the movies to see Mortal Combat she’s down to go and wants to go because it sounds fun. Meanwhile you’re talking about how stupid the movie looks. Fun means open and easy going. Are you easy going or are you a prude? Hoes are fun and that’s why your man is hanging out with them. If you are a little uptight then that’s an internal problem that is easily corrected. Your issue might just be forgiveness.

4. Hoes Are Available – while you’re sitting there pretending to be busy you know: taking meetings, brunch with the girls, yoga class, and that appointment with your therapist you are losing. Your man wants to spend time with you but your unavailable because you’re doing all of this other crap. I do all of this as well but it’s balanced. I see women intentionally crowding their schedules and then wonder why their man isn’t around. While you are being “fake busy” he’s calling someone who isn’t. Most likely, Hoe-isha (the one who is about to take your place.)

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5. Hoes Aren’t Complicated– spare me the sob story about your childhood girlfriend. We all had one. That being complicated for no reason, arguing, being defensive, being mean (whether its to him or not, he’s watching you,) and putting up walls is a headache. Hoes aren’t complicated. They go with the flow. He’s not going to sit there and try to figure out what’s going on with you. Not at age 30. There’s some hot 25 year old who would love to listen to him talk about Steph Curry. He’s not arguing with you about your insecurities. Nope not at all. Especially if he stopped fussing with you a long time ago. He’s just going to hop in that whip or that flight and peel out to Miss Non-Complicated’s apartment.

Isn’t that interesting? I got one tip from each of the people I mentioned earlier. It actually had nothing to do with sex. After looking at my notes before I wrote this, it boiled down to one thing. It’s easier. Men like for their dynamics with women to be easy and non-complicated. So, how can this work in your favor? Just don’t be complicated. I know so many women that complicate things for NO reason. Just being weird and off putting just for the sake of doing it. All of those unhealed wounds are highly unattractive girlfriend. If you don’t want to lose out to these hoes then it’s time to adopt some new ways of being. You know? Be a little hoe-ish! lol (I’m kidding…kind of.)Tell him how much you appreciate him. Watch the game with him and be quiet (even if you hate it.) Stop arguing and picking fights. When he calls, if he hasn’t done anything wrong pick up the phone and talk to him.

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  • RealChief

    I like the first picture in the article. Who is she?