“Happy wife happy life!”
That’s the piece of advice every man is given when he gets into a relationship or marriage. While I endorse treating your woman like a queen, sometimes that’s just not enough for some women.
The more I coach, the more I run into situations where many women will complainabout all that is wrong with their men but are completely oblivious to his frustrations with her. Well I’ve narrowed down a few common concerns, five to be exact, that I hear from good men whose women are just about to push them over the edge.
I hope that you will read this with an open heart and not a defensive one and if it doesn’t apply to you then great; but if it does, open up the lines of communication with your man and improve it!
1) You’re never satisfied
One of the most frustrating things for a man is when he is absolutely trying everything he can to make you happy, yet you always seem to find the next thing he isn’t doing perfectly.
- You asked him to be more affectionate; he’s attempting to, but you aren’t satisfied because it’s not natural enough for you.
- You asked him to help more around the house; he did, but you’ve found a reason to complain about how he folded the towels or when he washed the dishes.
Just because your man doesn’t do things the way YOU want him to do it doesn’t mean he’s wrong and it doesn’t give you permission to complain about everything. Extend a “thank you” rather than a turned up nose and side eye.
2) Your attitude is terrible!
Yeah, I am sure many will say “well I only have an attitude because he….” Well, as true as that is sometimes, many times actually, the attitude problem has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you or everyone else.
Maybe you’re mad at your friends or family; maybe work is stressing you out; or maybe the kids are getting on your nerves. Yet, for some reason, you lash out at him. He may take it most times, but at some point, it will get really old and he won’t want to be around you.
3) You talk to and treat him like a child
A fundamental need for a man is respect. When you speak to him as if he is a child, it is the fastest way to raise his defenses and cause him to shut down. Maybe you have kids and are used to speaking down at them; but when you start speaking to your man in a condescending tone you need to check yourself because it is both disrespectful and ineffective.
He won’t appreciate it and there’s nothing sexy about it. Have adult conversations with your husband when you have issues with him but yelling, screaming, or being condescending simply won’t serve the greater purpose in your relationship.
Additionally, stop patronizing and scolding him about chores and household issues as if he is your eight year old. If you need assistance, ask for what you need; but scolding a grown man and showing him a lack of respect will only cause conflict.
4) You keep bringing up the past!
You said you forgave him; you said were over the situation; yet every time there is a disagreement that issue seems to come right back up. Instead of addressing the issue at hand, you bring up the issues from the past and try to make them a part of the issue of the present.
You use words like ‘ALWAYS’…or ‘EVERYTIME’….and although you know it’s not true, you know it’s a way to demean what he actually does do, so you push his buttons. That’s not fighting fair and he will get tired of it.
5) You don’t make time for him
So you have time to be on every committee at church and in all your organizations. You are supermom, and you are superwoman at your job. Yet the person that gets the leftovers of your time is your husband.
You spread yourself so thin that you have no energy to be affectionate with him and when he attempts to be intimate with you, you simply blow it off or have a “headache.” Yup, I can hear the ladies once again saying, “well he should just………”
I encourage you to reflect and see if there is anything YOU could be doing better in order to have the time and energy for him. Make him a priority. He may not say much because he doesn’t want to come off as ‘needy’, but trust and believe he is getting tired of playing second, third or fourth fiddle to everything else in your life.
For those who read my blogs consistently, you know that I give many tips for men to treat their women better, but this one just isn’t one of them!
If you want something similar I wrote for men here you go. I hope this might serve as a gut check for some ladies out there and as a result they may find themselves communicating a little more with their man about some of these possible issues.
BMWK Family get involved in the conversation: What are some things that your mate may be doing that bothers you yet they aren’t even aware of it?