“It’s our way of giving to the users this very special time of the year,” said technology goliath Mark Zuckerberg who hosts the press conference in front of a crowd of enthusiastic journalists. “Most of all, we’re proud to announce the most anticipated addition to the Facebook platform, the dislike button.”
He continued to say, “people have been asking for it. We tried to play nice and just make it so that you could remove people from your feed hoping that they’d get the message. They didn’t. They continued posting endless streams of pictures of their kids, what they were eating every second of the day, and uncomfortable pictures of them hanging out with people who would rather not have their face posted all over Facebook.
They continued making posts about how haters are going to hate and cryptic remarks about not understanding the person they’re with even though they’ve only been with that person a couple of weeks or a month tops. We didn’t want to do it but they forced our hand. If you don’t like it, then you can dislike it, mother fu***r.”
Afterwards, Zuckerberg dropped the microphone on the stage and walked past the curtains into the opaque abyss never to be seen again.