them. I also even loved them enough to divorce them just as well. The first
marriage was in my late teens and ended before I was even legal to drink. The
latter I married a few years shortly after. Both of those marriages painfully
ended to my dismay. I take the brunt of the blame. Reason being, my selection
process. Although they were very different in many ways, it was like I had
chosen the exact same man twice.
up their bachelor like ways. They were both men who thrived for the nightlife
and lived for the streets, seven days a week. They both had the mentality that
this is who they were and I just had to accept it if I wanted to be in their
world. Neither one of them disclosed such behavior when we were courting.
Perhaps they did but, the dopamine high affected my better judgment. I was also
naive in thinking I could try to change either of them. I tried a series of
things in both marriages. I tried talking it out, expressing my feelings,
fighting about it and lastly, I tried the two can play that game strategy.
Neither of these things ever really worked.
number two, I finally realized that it was wrong of me to expect change from
someone who didn’t want to change or feel the need for the change. I had to
learn to try to accept people for who they are. I can choose to deal with them
as they are or I can choose not to. What made me finally move on from the
second marriage was when I realized that I was doing all the compromising and
through all the compromising I lost my sense of self, who I was along the way.
Depression had set in and I was not characteristically
recognizable to those who knew and loved me. So after two decades of marriage I
mustered up the courage to leave. I left him not because I stopped loving him;
I left because I had to start loving me again. Leaving him was about reclaiming
my sense of self-worth back, becoming strong and whole again. If by chance I
should have a go at love again, hopefully it will be with someone whose values
fit with my own or one that is willing to compromise for the sake of the