SHE Confession #9: Broken

SHE Confession #9: Broken

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He once loved me intensely.  As a result of that love a jealousy and fear grew
within me.  I always knew I never wanted
to feel what it would be like to be without his love… I knew I would
shatter to pieces if I ever discovered he loved another as or more intensely
than he loved me.  I knew there were
others and though it thoroughly pissed me off, I knew they were not me so I
weathered through it.  I knew their
exchanges 
didn’t measure up to a tenth of the love we had between us. That all
changed the day I discovered her existence.



She was the one that set everything in motion.  She changed us for good. She changed our
bond, our love, our marriage and our family permanently.  She affected us in ways that I can’t even
begin to express.  She had impeccable
timing that became his everything, all that he looked forward to.  Until this very day I wonder if they know the magnitude
and the devastation they caused….most likely not. I’m sure she could
give even one single damn.

She was the one he now called with excitement when it used
to be me.  She was the one that motivated him
to make frequent trips to the corner store (so he could freely answer her
missed calls).  She motivated him to
return to our marriage bed just before dawn and sometimes not at all.  Over time I began to see the extra effort he was making in his appearance for her that he once made for me.
Their need for each other although a complete bliss for
them, started a deterioration within me. 
I allowed their nascent romance to rob me of my aspirations and my
dreams.  He was so embedded within me that
without him I now felt so broken.  I no
longer wanted anything to do with what reminded me of them, even if that meant
him too. Our home became a cold reminder of what was, what could be but,
now 
isn’t. It became an emotive prison and I wanted out.

I became so emotionally weak but, my heart became hardened.  To him and everyone else I appeared bitter,
stubborn and strong willed. Inside I was dying and trying so hard not to breakdown.
 I allowed their actions to strip my
self-worth, self-respect and confidence. 
A once self-assured woman now diffident and weak. Alone I remain for no
one could ever be him to me, no one could ever be us.  It’s been well over seven years now and broken
I remain.

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