Subject: Secret to Keep or Not
Dear Steve and Shirley, I’ve had an affair for 2 months with a married woman with a family. Our relationship began with a casual flirt, talk and kiss. From the outset I knew that the situation could lead to a full affair. This isn’t a situation where the physical attraction, lust and sex grew the love. My love really grew as we embarked on the challenges of the affair. Her husband is a control freak, possessive and crazy. I nicknamed him stalker. He makes her take a screen print of her computer screen to show the time she clocks out of work and needs her on the phone the minute she exits the building. He uses the locater device on her phone to track where she goes and he scrutinizes her every move. It was difficult to get used to communicating, but we use texts and schedule calls from blocked numbers. She is not a good liar and he has caught her in lies and this led him to tighten his grip on her. She said she has not loved him in years and she has only stayed because of her kids and the security of her marriage. I sense the reason she stayed is because her husband is also abusive. Steve, recently he grabbed her by the neck, threw her down and kicked her. A short while ago she told me she doesn’t know how to leave him and she fears her life if he ever found out that she is having an affair. On two occasions in the past, he left home for a couple days, but he came back because he said “It’s my house and I pay bills.” I’ll keep the secret about our affair, but do I keep the secret about the abuse? We both agreed we would slow down our affair as she tries to handle her situation. I love this woman so much and don’t want to see her in a bad situation. It will be hard for me to just let her go on living in hell.